


Oceans

by mill23



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 04:37:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13628733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mill23/pseuds/mill23
Summary: Christen and Tobin are expecting. Can the two make things work with their hectic careers?





	Oceans

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y’all, first fic for me so please give feedback. This intro chapter is very flashback heavy. Trying to set everything up well and give you guys a look into their cute relationship.

 

Christen enjoyed having control over her life. Plans, routines, these things were important to her. She looked forward to checking things off in her planner every night, the sense of accomplishment was calming to her.

 

Lately, it seemed like things had gotten away from her a little bit. The chaos that was their apartment, boxes everywhere, sleeping on a blow-up mattress on the floor, the lack of food kept in the loft. It was evident that the two were getting ready to move out, but even Christen, who didn’t really know anything about becoming a mother, knew that this state of living wasn’t good for someone who was expecting.

 

Now, she was only at the end of her first trimester, but this was all new to her. She wasn’t used to not having control of her body. Having to buy new clothes, her ever expanding stomach ruining the hard work she put in to toning those muscles. She couldn’t help but feel anxious.

 

She was the all-time leading goal scorer at her alma mater, Stanford.  She’s won a World Cup, Olympic gold; before her and Tobin decided to have a baby, she was making great strides for her club team, The Chicago Red Stars. Soccer was her escape from it all.

 

She found herself searching for something to replace that side of her. Her wife was trying her best, deep down she knew that. She also knew the girl was stretched thin between family and work, but that didn’t count for much considering they made this decision together.

 

“Tobin, don’t leave. Please.” Christen pleaded as she saw the girl putting her last-minute toiletries together.

 

“Chris, I’ll be back before you know it, I promise. My flight gets in just in time to make your appointment on Monday.” She had a crazed look on her face, scrambling to grab everything and fit it in her small carryon for her flight to Hawaii that would depart in two hours. “The uber is outside, I really gotta go.”

 

“Okay. Well, I love you. And I’ll just be here waiting. Like a sack of potatoes. Eating all the little amount of food we have in the house. Binge watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Alone.” Christen gave Tobin the best pouty face she had before finishing her pity rant “Probably crying.”

 

“Chris, it’s only two days. We’ve done way longer, love.” Tobin made her way for the door.

 

“Yeah but now I’m fat and hormonal.” Christen wedged herself between the door and her wife.

 

“Babe, you’re beautiful. What you’re doing is beautiful, and we are going to have the most beautiful little miracle come out of it, and that is all thanks to you.” Tobin planted a kiss on the dark-haired girl’s lips. “Now I know I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re feeling, but I’m so thankful for you. And I promise, after this trip, I’ll be around. For you, for the move, for our baby. I keep telling them I’m gonna have to take a break for a little while. It’s coming babe, I promise. Now I really gotta go.”

 

“I love you.” Christen stole another kiss before stepping aside and opening the door for her wife.

 

“You’re my everything, Chris. I love you.” Christen smiled at Tobin’s use of the lyrics from their song. The moment took her back to their wedding a year ago.

 

**_One year ago_ **

 

_“I think it’s time for us to dance, love.” Christen felt Tobin’s breath on the side of her neck, just under her ear, sending chills down her spine. Strong, toned arms grabbed her waist from behind and pulled her away from the conversation she was having with a childhood friend._

_The girl started to hear their song play louder and in an instant, it really was like the movies, when they say all you can see in that crowded room of people is her._

_The wind-soft melody_  
_Sings to me so happily_  
_When you're near me, everything is just so right_  
_When all seems so wrong_  
_Your love reminds me where we belong_  
_You make my cloudy dark skies so bright_

 

_~~_ ****

 

Christen was brought back to reality when the door slammed shut.

 

Gone. Just like that.

 

She wasn’t lying when she told Tobin her plan for the weekend.

 

She had been on that couch for hours. She wasn’t proud of the junk she’d consumed, it was a strange array of things. A jar of peanut butter with a spoon jabbed in it, some pickles, stale potato chips, and to balance it all out, a glass of water.

 

Now it was time to wallow in her own self-pity and continue to indulge in her favorite guilty pleasure – Keeping Up with the Kardashian’s. This was her only time to watch the show since Tobin despised it. She always complained about their annoying voices and stupid drama.

 

Her somewhat pathetic state was interrupted when the 5’8” blonde came storming through the apartment.

 

“Oh man. Tobin was right.” The girl closed the door, Christen’s jaw dropped. She tried to jump up off the couch, trying to hide what she could of her recent snacks. “Christen, hello.” The girl made her way over to her and just lightly patted her on the head.

 

“Allie, what are you doing here?” Christen gave up on trying to hide all the junk and plopped back down on the couch, her friend joining her.

 

“Tobin called me before her flight took off. She wanted me to check on you this weekend. She sounded worried. What’s up bub?” Allie shifted her body to face the girl, throwing her feet up onto the couch.

 

She paused for a minute, trying to think of the right words to say. She could beat around the bush like she always did, but for some reason this time she decided to just unload on her friend. “I wish she would’ve picked me this time. She keeps saying she’s gonna take time off, but I don’t know, Al. It doesn’t seem like it’s ever coming. She’s so busy. Meetings while she’s in Chicago almost every day, flying to the west coast once a week. I feel like I’m in this alone.”

 

“Whoa, chica, slow down. Does Tobin know how you’re feeling? Has she heard anything that you just told me?” The blonde moved closer to put an arm around Christen, who was on the verge of tears.

 

“No…”

 

“Why not? This is important, girl. These feelings are real and important. You know how she gets with work sometimes, she loves it. Sure, it’s easy for her to get caught up in it all, but you are her number one. At the end of the day, you know none of that stuff would mean anything without you, and now this tiny little baby.” Allie patted her lap signaling for Christen to swing her legs to rest on her own after realizing she stole all the pregnant girl’s leg space.

 

Christen huffed at the fact that she knew her friend was right and swung her legs up onto Allie’s lap. Maybe it was the hormones or the stress of moving, but her emotions had been all over the place lately.

 

“You know our wedding anniversary is tomorrow?” Allie’s jaw dropped. “Yeah, my reaction exactly. She told me if she wanted to take time off for the baby, she had to work. I get it, it just sucks. It’s our first wedding anniversary, ya know?

 

“I know babe.” Allie looked like she was trying her hardest to be strong and not look sad for the girl. “You know she’s trying her best. Y’all have been through hard stuff, between both of your schedules when you were playing for the Red Stars. You’re only noticing her absence more because you’re not all over the place at the same time.”

 

This brought on a frustrated look to Christen’s face. “Yeah but I mean think about it. So, Tobin takes a few months off to help me and be with the baby? And then what, she goes back to traveling all the time? Then there’s no way I’m realistically going back to the team. One of us is going to basically give up everything. How is that fair?”

 

All this realization came crashing down over Christen. Tears began forming in the corners of her green eyes. It was somehow, magically the first time she had thought all of this through.

 

She could tell by the way her friend’s body froze, that she wasn’t prepared for this reaction.

 

“Chris…”

 

“It’s fine, Al. It’ll be okay. It always will be.” Christen rubbed at her eyes to make the tears go away and took a deep breath, a sign of her strength.

 

“You don’t always have to be strong, chica. I know Harry can sometimes be a Harry, but ya still gotta talk to her. You mean everything to her. It would kill her to know you’re dealing with all these thoughts alone.”

 

The girl’s words made perfect sense to Christen. She felt silly for keeping this from her wife for so long.

 

“Did I mention how hot of a mom you’re going to be? I mean come on, you already have that glow about you. Total milf.” Christen laughed at her friend’s comments, sending a small shove her way. “Now I know I’ve heard the Kardashians in the background. Fill me in on what’s happening girl!” Allie grabbed the bag of the potato chips sitting on the coffee table.

 

“No wait!” Too late, the look of disgust was already on Allie’s face.

 

“Really? Stale potato chips, Christen?” A small smile etched across her face.

 

“Blame Tobin, she was supposed to go grocery shopping yesterday. Claimed there was ‘no point’ cause of the move happening so soon.”

 

“Damnit Harry. You tell her I said that you are pregnant as hell and she needs to feed you! Ugh I could slap that girl.” Christen let out a huge laugh, any sign of stress on her face disappeared. How are you feeling about the move, anyway?”

 

“Ugh no offense but can we talk about that next time? I’ve already missed to much of the show, I don’t even know why Kourtney is yelling at Scott this time.”

 

“Oh, come on, you know it’s probably cause he was being a drunken idiot. What else is new?”

 

The girls laughed together and enjoyed each other’s company until Allie had to leave and meet her husband, Bati, for dinner.

 

Christen was thankful for Allie. A mutual friend of both her and Tobin. Allie knew Tobin back in their childhood but never really were great friends until reconnecting again here in Chicago, and Christen herself met Allie while in college at Stanford.

 

Even with the marathon of the Kardashian’s, Christen couldn’t help but keep her mind off of Allie’s question about their upcoming move.

 

It was happening in six days.

 

They waited too long at this point, they both knew that. But if they waited any longer the baby would be here and there was no way they could handle a newborn and moving.

 

They were making the move to the suburbs of Chicago. The couple looked in several places, but both settled on staying as close to the city as they could without actually being in it.

 

They’re new home would only be a 20-minute drive to Toyota Park and a 15-minute drive to Tobin’s office. Together, they never thought they would ever make the move out of the city, but after thinking about the child on the way, understood why parents did.

 

The next day was more of the same for Christen.

 

She prided herself on the one productive thing she did that day, buying a small amount of groceries so that she could eat properly.

 

When the elevator door opened on their floor, she saw a pot of flowers waiting for her, a note attached.

 

Tobin. For their anniversary. It wasn’t the same as her being there, but she knew the girl still cared.

 

_Thank you for continuing to be the best thing in my life. One year down and many more to go. I can’t wait to meet the little person we’ve created. Happy anniversary, Christen._

_-Tobin_

 

The note was a little cliché and cheesy, but Christen still appreciated. She knew Tobin wouldn’t be away from her on the anniversary unless she absolutely had to be. She had to understand that.

 

After deciding that making a grilled chicken salad for lunch was the best thing for her to balance out everything she ate yesterday, she sat down on the couch with her planner.

 

Christen turned to the back of it where there were a few blank sheets of paper.

 

Without even really thinking, she started to make a list of all the points she brought up to her friend Allie yesterday. A list of things to bring up to Tobin.

 

  * _Need a solid plan. When will she take a break from work? Need more than “soon”_
  * _What does my future look like? Can we manage our careers and a baby? Do I ever get to go back to soccer?_
  * _Does Tobin’s job take a back seat? Is that fair of me to ask?_



 

She starts to scribble down words. The words she knows she had to talk to Tobin about tomorrow.

 

_We made this decision together. I know I offered to carry, but that doesn’t make this any less of your child. Wait, that’s not fair to say. I don’t like the way that sounds. I know you’re not doing any of this on purpose and it’s my fault I haven’t brought my feelings to you sooner. You love your job, and I love that about you. I guess I just wish you’d realize that I need you now. My body is changing every day and it scares me. This whole process scares me. Soccer used to center me, and being away from it, I guess I’m going a little crazy. Now, there’s this idea that I hadn’t had before of me not getting to go back to soccer. If I look at it realistically, we can’t both have jobs where we travel all the time. Someone’s gotta be home with our child, and I certainly don’t want to be those parents who basically let the nanny raise the kid. That’s not why I’m pregnant. We’re supposed to go through this together. I guess this is just a conversation we need to have._

All this writing was therapeutic for Christen. She had no intention of reading it to Tobin. It was merely a way of going through all these thoughts and information in her own head, without it all getting too jumbled up.

 

After capping her pen, she ripped the page out of her planner and stuck it in the back pocket of her jeans.

 

The girl wanted this day to be over. She knew her wife would be back tomorrow and they’d get to see their little one together at Christen’s appointment.

 

She knew Tobin was excited to welcome their baby, none of these thoughts were doubting that. She was so good at being at all the appointments with Christen, knowing how scared they could make her wife.

 

All her thinking made her reflect on the moment that Tobin and she realized they wanted to have a baby in the first place.

**_Eight months ago_ **

_Christen came walking through the door, fresh off a brisk five mile run through part of the city. She made her way to the kitchen to grab some water and saw her wife with her back to her, headphones in, scrolling through something on her laptop._

_“Hey love.” She received no answer from the girl who was now bobbing her head up and down to the music playing in her ears._

_She took a few steps closer to the girl to see what she was doing._

_Christen wrapped her arms around the girl from behind and left a kiss on her neck. She looked up at the computer screen. “Realtor.com? What’re you, moving out?” This realization caused the girl to retract her arms and take a small step back._

_Tobin removed her headphones while spinning around in her chair and let out a small laugh when she saw the way her wife’s face was all scrunched up, clearly worried and somewhat offended. “Whoops, you caught me.”_

_“Tobin, what the fuck? This isn’t funny. What’s going on?” Christen threw her hands down by her side, clearly frustrated._

_“I’m not really sure. I mean – hmm. How do I put this?” The brunette looked down at her feet, a pensive look on her face. “I just started thinking about our future I guess. I was curious. It started with looking up safe places to live. Suburbs I guess, as lame and cliché as that sounds.”_

_Christen’s face came across as a little bit shocked._

_“I mean don’t freak out. I guess one thing just led to another and I started looking up schools and finding where the best one’s were and then I went on this website just to look and I was having fun thinking about it. I wanted to see how realistic it would be to raise a kid in the area without being in the city because I know that’s something we’ve grazed talking about before…”_

_“Tobin, you’re rambling.” Christen took a step forward, as close as they were before this conversation began. She wrapped her arms around her wife’s neck._

_“Am I?” Tobin made eye contact with her._

_“You are.” And with that, their lips were meeting. It was a slow kiss, gentle and meaningful. Christen loved the girl for taking the time to consider where they could raise their potential child. She knew this wasn’t brought to her attention on purpose, and that made it even more precious._

_Christen pulled away from the kiss, only because she was curious of something. “So, show me what you found.” She hopped up on the girls lap as she started to show her the bookmarked houses._

~~

 

“I’m getting in at noon.” Christen smiled just thinking about Tobin coming back from her business trip, forgiving her for waking her up with the phone call at the ungodly hour of 3 am.

 

“Okay, I’ll be waiting at baggage claim for you like always, baby.”

 

“Love, you don’t have to do that. The drive to the airport is annoying and that’s all sorts of stress you don’t need.” Christen let out a loud sigh annoyed at the girl’s overprotectiveness. “I can just get an uber.”

 

“Tobin, I love you for caring, but I’m going to be there. You are what makes me not want to stress anymore so the sooner I see you, the better I feel.” Christen meant those words, especially after the thinking she’d done over the last few days. “I really need to see you. Like you don’t understand.”

 

“Okay, well then you need to get back to sleep, I’m sorry for waking you.” Christen just wanted to have her girl back. She knew this next time around, she wasn’t letting Tobin leave for any more trips during this pregnancy. “And I’m serious. If you’re too tired or too stressed, I really can just get an uber. Only come if you feel one hundred percent up for it.”

 

“Yeah, I know love. Thank you for being you. But I promise you I’m capable and I’ll be there.” Christen knew this pregnancy was already holding her back from working out and playing soccer so she wasn’t going to let it keep her from the little traditions like this one too. As long as she was in town, she picked Tobin up at baggage claim, flowers in hand.

 

The tradition started before they were even official.

 

See, the two met in an airport.

 

**_Four years ago_ **

 

_After one long flight of polite small talk with the brunette sitting next to her, Christen walked out of the jet bridge and made her way for baggage claim._

_She noticed a swarm of fans with signs surrounding the teammates ahead of her. No matter how many times this happened to her, it always gave her this insane feeling. Knowing people cared this much, that they’d show up to an airport to greet them after a big win with the National Team._

_The crowds died down after they took pictures and received the autographs they came for. Christen could finally focus on grabbing her bag._

_There were only a few left at that point, her teammate’s and an orange duffle she swore she had seen go around several times._

_After saying goodbye to her Red Stars teammates, she grabbed her US Soccer Crested bag._

_“You didn’t tell me you were like - famous.” She heard a somewhat familiar voice and turned around to see the girl from the plane, that orange duffle bag slung over her shoulder._

_“What are you, blind? I saw that bag go around the carousel like eight times! Can’t miss that thing.” Christen joked with the girl._

_“Whatever, I guess I was just fascinated to find out why that many people would be waiting in an airport to see you.” The girl smiled while kicking her foot at the ground. Christen could feel herself melting from the glow radiating off this new acquaintance. “I wanna know what that’s like.”_

_“Not just me. There were others.” Christen was a modest person. She had to look down to keep the girl from seeing her blush._

_“Come get a cup of coffee with me.” This was abrupt; Christen didn’t expect it at all._

_“Where did that come from? I don’t even know your name.” She scoffed at the girl._

_“I’m sorry, you’re just very interesting to me and I feel very stupid for wasting an eight-hour plane ride not getting to know you better.” Now she definitely could not keep from blushing. “My name is Tobin.”_

_“Well hello, Tobin. I’m Christen. You do realize it’s 10 o’clock at night, right? You said you want to get coffee?”_

_“That’s right. That’s one thing I got out of our small talk on the plane, you love coffee, right?” Tobin smiled, readjusting her duffle bag to her other side._

_“Hmm yeah I guess you’re right.” She couldn’t deny the girl. Christen was trying to be more spontaneous. What’s more spontaneous than going to get coffee with a complete stranger at 10 o’clock at night? “Sure Tobin, let’s go get coffee.”_

 

_~~_

 

Christen always wanted to make sure Tobin knew what it felt like to have someone waiting at the airport for her. Just like she wanted.

 

Tobin was right, the drive to the airport was very annoying. Just one of those routes where there’s no easy way to get there, turn after turn after turn. And not to mention how confusing all the different parking lots of the airport could be.

 

Christen was used to that by now. Tobin and she had flown in and out of this airport too many times to count.

 

After driving around the curved lanes to get to the temporary parking lot, she grabbed the coffees she picked up on her way, hers almost empty now, and the flowers she always had for Tobin, and made her way to baggage claim.

 

Christen [12:02:55]

Hey babe, I’m here. Can’t wait to see ya.

 

Christen knew it would be a little while before Tobin made it to baggage claim, but she always had to be there on time, she never wanted to make the girl wait.

 

She wasn’t sure what she was feeling. It was a mix of things. She was excited for one. They had an appointment to look forward to after this. Christen really felt these appointments to be special. Tobin was always by her side and that was extremely comforting to her.

 

She also felt anxious. She knew what conversation she had to have with her wife and she wasn’t exactly looking forward to it.

 

Tobin [12:09:27]

Honestly, I’m trying to fake an injury and flag down one of those people on golf carts just so I can see you that much sooner.

 

Christen laughed seeing her wife’s text. She really was excited to see Tobin. It may have only been two days, but with all the thinking she had done, it felt like an eternity.

 

“Um…excuse me. Christen Press?” Christen turned around to see where the unfamiliar voice was coming from.

 

“Yeah, but keep it on the down-low. Trying to fly under the radar.” She whispered to the fan.

 

“Okay well, the Red Stars fans miss you. We can’t wait for you to get back on the pitch!” Christen’s smile fell a little bit. All those thoughts came rushing back into her head. She heard the fan faintly speaking in the background and brought herself back to reality.

 

“I’m sorry, I missed what you said.” Christen shook her head as if to shake the thoughts away.

 

“I was just wondering if we could take a quick selfie.” She strapped the smile back on her face, maybe it was a little forced, but this girl was a fan.

 

“Yeah, no problem.”

 

After the picture had been taken and the girl walked away she heard another person ask for a picture. “Oh god, here we go.” She whispered under her breath as she turned around slowly and was met with her favorite pair of arms.

 

This was the hug she was waiting for. “Tobin. I should’ve recognized that voice.” She wrapped her arms around the girl tighter.

 

“Hey baby girl. I missed you.” Tobin loosened her arms around the girl and stole a kiss on her lips.

 

“Here, these are for you.” Christen handed her the bouquet of flowers and the now lukewarm coffee.

 

“Ugh perfect, I didn’t get any sleep on that flight.”

 

After they picked Tobin’s small bag up at baggage claim, Christen had to get the girl moving quickly if they wanted to make her appointment on time. After fighting over who would drive, Christen winning that battle, they made their way for the doctor’s office.

 

This was now week 12 of the pregnancy although to Christen it has felt like years.

 

They were told this is when the baby actually starts to look like a baby so they consequently haven’t been this excited about an appointment since they heard the baby’s heartbeat.

 

“Alright, there they are.” The doctor pointed out the toes and fingers. Christen noticeably squeezed Tobin’s hand a little tighter and let out a huge sigh.

 

“Wow, that is amazing. Chris, look at that.” Christen smiled at Tobin’s expression, she could tell the girl was being genuine. “That’s our baby!”

 

She knew that she had to be genuine about her feelings. Her thoughts were weighing her down, but she didn’t want Tobin to see it quite yet. She knew it wasn’t fair, but she just wanted to make sure she could say exactly what she meant.

 

She would tell her. She would be genuine, just not now. Maybe later that day, maybe the next day, or even the day after that. She would do it.

 

It was the only thing she’s never wanted to plan. Everything else, for the most part, was written down in her planner by every 15 minutes. But this important conversation, she couldn’t quite figure it out.

 

These thoughts stayed with her during the car ride home no matter how desperately she tried to push them away, even stopping for ice cream on the way home to serve as a distraction.

 

“Are you okay?” Tobin asked Christen as they were pulling into the parking spot of their apartment complex.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” She avoided eye contact as she got out of the car and shut the door. She made her way for the trunk to grab Tobin’s camera bag and small suitcase.

 

“Babe, babe hold on I got that. You don’t have to carry all this.” She reached for the bag as Christen tried to tug it away.

 

Tobin, it’s oka- ugh I got it.” The girl let out a loud sigh and dropped her tense shoulders.

 

“Okay, what’s up? What’s going on? You haven’t really been yourself this entire time, you’re scaring me, please talk to me?”

 

“It’s nothing, Tobin. I think I’m just tired or something. Feeling a little cranky.” Christen tried to take a few more steps so that she could just chill out in their apartment and let the thoughts go away.

 

“No, no. Come here, you.” Tobin welcomed the girl with open arms. Christen looked at her with those eyes that said ‘really?’ which was followed by Tobin looking right back at her with those eyes that said ‘yeah, really’.

 

Christen buried her head into Tobin’s chest as her wife rubbed her back and held her tight. She forgot how much a hug from this girl helped make everything bad go away for a little while.

 

“Why don’t we head upstairs, and you take a little nap, Miss Cranky.” Christen playfully punched the girl in her arm after hearing those words.

 

“Hey, don’t call a cranky girl cranky. It’ll only make it worse.” The stubborn green-eyed girl smiled and gave in, handing her partner her own bags to carry upstairs, surrendering to Tobin’s words from earlier. She trudged along, waiting to collapse in bed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Please leave comments and feedback and let me know what you think. Wanna know if it's worth it to keep posting and writing. Thanks again guys!!
> 
> Also the title of the fic and Tobin and Christen's song from the flashback is the song Oceans by MisterWives. Definitely check it out it's amazing!!


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